End Of A Chapter (And A Blog)

                                                                                                        

Today is a day I've had in the back of my mind for a while.  It's the day I bring Bails 'n Me to a close.  When I started this blog back on May 7, 2009, I was looking for something new.  Blogging seemed to be an interesting way to journal, so I thought I'd give it a try.  My main focus for Bails 'n Me has been reflecting on special moments Bailey and I have spent together, and boy have we had many.  I've also captured beautiful memories with friends and family.  This journal of memories has been compiled into 6 blog books that I flip through often and will continue to over the years.  Unfortunately, I have lost the passion I once had for blogging.  The memories are just as special, but I have been capturing them through platforms that don't take as much time such as Facebook, Instagram and Chatbooks.  It's been a little over a year since I have blogged so this was my sign that rather than play catch-up on the past 12 months, I would simply write the final entry.  Bailey and I are also at different stages in our lives.  She's in her 2nd year of college (I started Bails 'n Me the summer between 1st and 2nd grade) and I'm in my 2nd year of empty nesting (kind of...Bailey did move home for 6 months last spring during the pandemic).  Now that I'm an empty-nester once again, I've begun to have closure with certain areas of my life and envision new adventures.  One chapter I have decided to conclude is Bails 'n Me.  We've still had and will continue to have many adventures together.  

In February 2020, Bailey and I got the tattoos below.  They are mother-daughter tattoos to signify the theme song from my favorite television series, Gilmore Girls.  Like these tattoos, my blog signifies something I treasure and will have with me for a lifetime.  I appreciate all those who took time to read Bails 'n me.  And with that I say...The End.  

  

Celebrating Art

I've blogged about Bailey's artistic talent throughout the years.  Once again this child of mine has amazed me with her eye for art and commitment to her craft.  

In March she received recognition for the annual ArtShare program, sponsored by Veridian Credit Union.  One of her photography pieces from the first semester was selected by her art teacher, Mrs. Klenske, to be on display at a Veridian branch for a year.  The opening reception featured the artwork of all the high school students who were selected for this honor.  This was such a special evening celebrating Bailey and her artistic talent.

Another highlight of Bailey's' senior year was during her second semester when she took an Independent Art class with Mrs. Klenske.  She painted a chair in the artroom, featuring my favorite comic illustrator, Jim Davis. 
Bailey's blog post, Painted Dreams, touches my heart so much.  Although the initial intent was for the chair to become a permanent fixture in the Cedar Falls Art Room, Mrs. Klenske told Bailey she could keep the chair.  This made my heart so happy and I love this permanent fixture in our home.

Both of these projects were an awesome encore to Bailey's artistic development, from her primary through secondary school years.  Time will tell what other artistic treasures she will create in the future.

2020 So Far: The Silver Lining

 

This quote may as well have been our motto for 2020.  Our year has been ever changing since January, but the optimist in me has tried to find a silver lining in circumstances that can't be controlled.  

January brought the first "Plan B" when Bailey had to pivot her college plans.  Indiana State University was no longer going to work out.  After the harsh reality set in, Bailey explored her college options and found an animation program at Des Moines Area Community College.  She scheduled a campus tour a couple weeks later, got on the 1 year waiting list for the animation program, signed a lease for an apartment in Ankeny and prepared for a new plan with the same goal; to complete an animation program and someday work for Disney.  Moving day rolled around on August 10, the same day a storm called a Derecho blew through Ankeny and across the Midwest, causing chaos in an already disrupted pandemic situation.

In mid- March our lives were turned upside down.  Our Spring Break plans were cancelled when Coronavirus reared it's ugly head and forced the Mall of America (our Spring Break destination), along with many retail stores and businesses to close for 2 months.  The intent was to "slow the spread".  Sadly, Bailey's last day at Cedar Falls High School was the Friday she left for Spring Break.  Days turned into weeks of working and schooling from home.  We held onto hope that school would resume and life would return to "normal", but eventually her Senior Prom was cancelled and graduation would have a different twist.  I look forward to celebrations like these with great anticipation.  We had been planning her graduation party every weekend since August, grabbing coffee and working through the to-do list.  I visualized how much joy these milestones would bring.  Rather than wallow, I decided to work on my own Plan B to make these events special.

Prom 2020: The One Where We Celebrated At Home.  We celebrated prom with a Luau theme, facials, manicures, pictures and dinner from The Brown Bottle.  For Post Prom I broke out some silly props and we watched High School Musical 3.  For me, Senior Prom was just as special as Junior Prom and a day I will always treasure.  After all how many parents get to celebrate their child's Senior Prom with them?!? (Silver lining)

Graduation also had a different twist.  Cedar Falls High School really wanted to make the experience special for the students.  On what I call, Diploma Day, I witnessed Bailey at the high school, along with my dad, sister and brother, walk across the auditorium stage and receive her diploma.  It was videotaped and compiled into a livestream commencement program that was shown on May 24th.  I am so grateful to the Cedar Falls administration, faculty and staff for making this experience truly memorable.  This will be something no other senior class will experience.  Plus we got to enjoy the 2 hour ceremony from the comfort of our living room. (Silver lining)

On the final day of Bailey's senior year, we went to the UNI campus to have some photographic fun.  I love pictures and these captured the joy of finishing school, along with hope for a new future.  Even though the last 9 weeks of Bailey's senior year were not at all what we expected, we got to spend every day together and I will always remember that.  (Silver lining)

For the past 6 months, the year 2020 has gotten a bad name.  It will definitely be a year to be remembered.  I choose to remember the happiness the year has brought and focus on more silver linings.  

The Year Was 2019

We are 2 weeks into 2020 so I figured it's time to wrap up 2019 and look ahead to new memories in the next year.  We'll see how much blogging I get in over the next 11 months.  It's going to be a big year with Bailey graduating in May.

This year I jumped back on the social media bandwagon and posted memories to my Instagam account, scrappinmomma .  Rather than rewrite all of these special times over the past year, I've decided to do something different for my year-end wrap-up.  In a "Table of Contents" style post, these are the Bails 'n Me highlights from 2019.  I suppose you could call it 'Our Year On The Gram', with a few blog posts over the past year thrown in.

Trip Out To Indiana State

Spring Break Trip

Bailey Turns 18

A Baby Adult

Junior Prom

Such A Beauty

Junior Year

That's A Wrap

Summer Vacation

Mount Pleasant

St. Louis Zoo

Ariana Grande Concert

Senior Pictures

One Of My Favorites Of The Year

Panther Reunion 2019

My Sistas

Iowa State Fair

Fair Favorites

Fall Bucket List

Tailgate, Check

Apple Picking, Check

Pumpkin Patch, Check

Carve Pumpkins and Dress Up For Halloween, Check

Ride In The Combine

Fall Bucket List, Check

Homecoming 2019

HOCO 2019

Two Fantastic Shows

Mean Girls, The Musical

For King and Country

Heidi Receives Regents Staff Excellence Award From UNI

Top Honor

On this World Kindness Day, it was pretty surreal to receive the Regents Staff Excellence Award from the University of Northern Iowa. A professor was thoughtful enough to nominate me for this award and I am humbled to receive it. I’m so fortunate to be able to pay back my service to my alma mater. To share this moment with Bailey and my colleague and counterpart, Michelle Holland, was a day I will always remember. One of my favorite quotes of recent is ‘if you can be anything, be kind’. I will continue to strive to live up to the standard I’ve been recognized for today.

Family Christmas

Christmas On The Farm

Annual Trip To Mall of America

Our Happy Place

As you can see, 2019 was quite a year.  We truly are blessed.

Bring On 2020!

World Prematurity Awareness Day

Bails 'n Me is inspired by my daughter, Bailey.  Today I am so extremely grateful that she overcame the challenges of her early birth and is here today.  I am grateful for every day I get to spend with her.

Here is my post from Instagram on World Prematurity Awareness Day:
World Prematurity Awareness Day

It's Okay Not To Be Okay

I had heard the phrase, 'It's okay not to be okay', but it wasn't until a year ago that I heard my inner voice saying this while experiencing a panic attack in my office at work.  The overwhelming feeling of struggling to catch my breath, sob uncontrollably and feel a heartache I hadn't experienced for quite sometime scared me. 

As I've grown older, I've begun to pride myself on my independence and ability to handle life's circumstances on my own.  When I do feel overwhelmed, I realize how fortunate I am to have parents who will help me.  Being a single parent, it's been challenging at times.  So when I feel my finances are too much, I ask my parents for help.  There is an inner voice within me that says 'You are a 20/30/40 year old woman who still needs her parent's help?  How pathetic'.  Once I get the help, my anxiety goes away and I can focus again.  I also realize how fortunate I am to have the support of my parents when I ask for help. 

I've now found myself dealing with my anxiety in a different context over the past year.  My panic attack a year ago wasn't connected directly to financial struggles, but challenges I was dealing with in my job.  Throughout my professional career I've been fortunate to make decisions and get support from supervisors and colleagues.  I didn't realize how important autonomy was in my job until it was slowly taken away.  What I didn't realize as I was trying to work through my emotions was that one of my strongest emotions, anger, was taking over.  I found myself angry and then carrying that anger home.  My wake-up call was when Bailey said that she didn't like this person coming home after work every day.  Her anxiety would elevate as the clock ticked closer to 4:30.  I would go off on one of my angry tangents after work, thinking that it would feel better to vent.  What I learned from a counselor is that anger is a secondary emotion which can cover up depression.  What?!?  Isn't depression being sad all the time?  This was when I realized I needed help and made the call to a counselor.  I also met with my doctor who prescribed some low dose medications for depression and anxiety. 

Why am I disclosing this in a blog where I usually share all the happy moments Bailey and I experience together?  October is Mental Health Awareness Month and I've felt my inner voice telling me to share my story.  My first experience with mental illness was in February 1996 when I received a phone call that my mom had been admitted into the mental health unit and was there for 2 weeks.  7 years ago I experienced mental illness as the mother of a child going through anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts.  With each experience of mental illness, I realize how much I don't understand, but am willing to learn.  The hardest part about mental illness is that the person suffering has to figure out for him or herself what works.  Through my own mental illness struggles and counseling, I can understand this now. 

A mantra that I have carried with me ever since I was a school counselor is 'To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world'.  I have had those people in my life and I aspire each day to be this for others.  Through my latest inspiration, author and speaker Brene Brown, I've decided to share my story and be vulnerable to those who are willing to be in the arena with me. 

   

Cheers To Junior Year

Tomorrow marks the first day of Bailey's senior year.  Before I can kick off that year, I feel I need to bring closure to her junior year.  It was a year filled with new adventures and looking towards the future.

We made campus visits to Iowa State University and Indiana State University.  Although she enjoyed both visits, Indiana State is her first choice for graphic design and animation.  She's ready to spread her wings and begin a new adventure away from Iowa.  Will she be a future Sycamore?  Time will tell.

She looked absolutely beautiful at both Homecoming and Prom. 

We were both excited when Cedar Falls hired 2 new speech coaches and Bailey finally got to experience speech contest this year.  Her group ensemble went to State and earned a Division I rating.  She poured just as much heart into her 2 individual speeches and came home with Division II ratings.  I've come to accept that speech contest can be somewhat subjective so although I felt she did an outstanding job with her individual speeches and should have taken both entries onto the state contest, her judges rated them differently.  Regardless, I'm so proud of Bailey for putting herself back "on the stage" and working so hard on her speeches this year.  It was a lot of fun to work with her and provide my own critique.

Like school years past, Bailey has learned and grown a lot.  We are both looking forward to what this final year of high school will bring and planning for a future where God only knows what lies ahead.